Praise God Anyway!
Well, I am still in Edmonton. Yes, I was planning to go back to Canmore, but I didn't for some reason. People know I am like that. I change my mind just like that. Well I guess it shows my imperfections, and belive you me, I have so many. But I don't need to dwell on that now. I was talking to my author friend Crying Wind, and she said to me: "Maybe there is a plan to your (our) restless wandering....maybe we are meant to wander for awhile longer, maybe we are meant to walk through people's lives, maybe we learn something, maybe we help them, who knows? You know what they say about people being in your life for a reason, or a season, or forever? Well, maybe we are meant to be in people's lives that way, for a reason or a season and move on. I'm sure you have helped and blessed many people every place you have been. I hope you and I both find a home someday, where we can rest and be happy.
She summed it up for me. She had put to words how I felt. In the publication that was published, STOLEN GENERATIONS: Book of Voices, in which I submitted my story of my adoption experiances. I had written: I move around a lot and can never get settled, which I feel is a result of my being in so many different foster homes from ages 4 to 6."
Which I feel is so true. Now, I am not on a pity pot and saying look at me! Or anything like that. I am just stating what happened and how I felt about it and my thoughts today regarding it. There will be those that say, well if you just stay in one place everything will be fine. Or, get roots, get grounded. I know myself. I know I am a restless spirit, that is how I feel. As soon as things get boring, or I need a change of pace, I am up and away. I have had some relations(birth family) say that my birth mother Florence Parenteau, always was on the go, moving here and there. I heard that she lived in many, many places in Winnipeg, lived in Ebb and Flow Reserve, Skownan Reserve, Duck Bay Metis Settlement, Mallard Metis Settlement, around Pine Falls, Mb. So I don't know if that is that. But getting back to the foster home situation...I have heard it said, that in your formative years, prob as a baby and a young toddler...or around age 3 and 4...that determines a lot about your outlook on life, and your future thought process, how you will live, how you view life, the world, your family etc.
As a child, and I vividly remember this( I have even remembered being in a crib with a bottle)...being taken away to an Emergency Shelter...prob where they keep you for a few days, till they can place you in a longer facility. I was scared. I was about 3...probably 4. I remember being taken to a nice 2 storey home, that was a duplex. In a nice neighborhood. There was a few staff there, and seemed like lots of kids. We had a bath and then given a cookie(aarowroot cookie) and put into bed. The bedroom(prob a 2 bedroom merged into one huge room) was filled with kids in little beds and cribs. And I remember crying and falling asleep, missing my mother, and my sisters. My sisters Janey and Debbie had been taken too but were put in a separate home. I can't remember how long I was there, but I am guessing about 2 days if not more. I was getting into a routine. During the day, the other kids were in school, and I just walked around in the fenced in yard. Then to my horror, I saw the Social Worker coming up the walk. He was the one that brought me here. I cried, when I was taken away and put in another more temporary home. I didn't want to leave. The next home I remember, I hated it. The foster mother was very strict and seemed to get mad at anything. One time I didn't make it to the bathroom in time, as I was scared to go at night time, and leave my bedroom, and she put me on the railing and spanked me hard. There must have been about 6 other kids in the home if not more. Some of them I think, were their own. I shared a small bedroom with 3 others. 2 bunkbeds in a room. But I seem to remember more of us in that room. I think 2 kids would share a bed, as we were small. I don't remember how long I was at this place...maybe a week or more. But I do remember walking away from it. And just walking, trying to figure out where I was. I had an amazing ability to find out my surroundings, by looking at buildings, busy streets, bridges(my mother used to take me walking around Winnipeg). Finally after a few hours of walking, the Police found me and took me back. Next memory I have is of me being back home with my mom, and her common law husband who was very abusive to her and us. And then things would get worse, and I would be back in Foster care. And so the cycle continued.
It was an unhappy childhood, but God was with me. I still remember in my last foster home, before I got adopted into the Longo home, at Sylvia and Joe's...I used to go to Sunday School which I absolutely loved. Free cookies and juice. I always seemed to be so hungry. Nice story. Fun songs( I used to think that the song IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, CLAP YOUR HANDS! was a Christian song). And that is where I learned about Jesus, and Mary and Joseph and all of the Bible.
Those experiences carried me thru to when I was adopted, and God never forsake me. He was always there for me, even in some of those dark times. I never would have done it on my own, without His prescence. I always thank God that I was adopted into a Christian home, even though we went thru some abuse( I don't always like to dwell on it, because sometimes I can handle it, and othertimes it's overwhelming...but I have to talk about it, in MY own time, and to those who will HELP me deal with it). I have had some people say that it didn't really happen, didn't really happen like that, that I am exaggerating, or I should just keep quiet about it. But you know what, my experience of years of sadness, loneliness, poor self esteem, with God's help, are helping me heal, as well as by sharing my story to others, who then have come to me and said I have helped and encouraged them.
I was at a Retreat(as a Speaker) about a few years ago in Prince Albert which has a high Aborigional Population and I was sharing my testimony about my birth, neglect, adoption, abuse etc...and it was hard to do. I began to cry midway thru my testimony. I didn't know if I could continue on, but I steadied myself and continued on. I really felt like I was naked in front of everyone, that they could see my weakness and vulnerabilty. But because I opened myself and shared what the Lord did and will do in my life, people came to me, Aborigional women came to me and held me, and loved me. Not lots of words were said, but there was some intense healing going on, because they too had given up, or had children taken away from them, and so it was kinda like a full circle of healing for them too. God was able to heal them, as well as me. And he still is. I might even post my testimony on here in the next little while if anyone is interested.
Anyways, blah blah blah. I guess The Lord knows what will go on in my life, where I will be in 6 months. And that's the most important thing. Wherever I go, I meet some wonderful awesome people, and they will touch me in some deep ways, and I hope to share my story and my testimony of God's continuing work in my life.
My thoughts,
Cameron
posted by Cameron83 @ 12:10 PM
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